Enough
The greatest showman hit DVD yesterday, so of course by 24 hours of owning it I have watched it twice, once on my own and once distracted with kids. Now I promise, I will not constantly be posting about it, but I really have such a love for this movie. There are so many deep thoughts here. Of course one of my biggest questions is how close to P.T. Barnum's life do they stick. I have never really heard anything redemptive about this ruthless business man and conman beside the fact that he created the modern circus. In spite of that curiosity I love the characters of this movie, real or fictitious. The dreamers, the faithful companions, the reluctant adventurers, the jaded, the bruised, the manipulators, and so many more.
When I first watched this movie I instinctively hated never enough, from the first listen. The character singing it has a drive and a passion that is reckless, and her sights are set on Barnum, who has a wife and children. He doesn't see it though. Her song is a siren song. "Will you share this with me? 'Cause darling without you, all the shine of a thousand spotlights, all the stars we steal from the night sky will never be enough, never be enough" It calls to him, he's a driven dreamer, he sees in her so much potential to be more. Something a simple tailor's son has long dreamed of.
It took me a while to nail down why this truly bothered me. Years ago when my spouse and I were dating there was someone who had been hurt who worked their way through our group of friends trying to find happiness by destroying it in others, especially relationships. Ours was never really threatened despite attempts, however I never trusted that person. This was my first conclusion, I saw in the singer what I saw in that individual. Let's be honest that whole event bothers me in a way it never should have, it was a non-start. I think I find some of my own insecurities in this. But that's more a story for later. One of the big things that hit me was in the scene rather than the song, his wife. She sees it. she sees his passion, his drive, his blind ambition. She also sees where it's leading. In a way this hit home because my spouse and I are working through a few rough things in our marriage. Then again what marriage isn't over the course of time. At first I saw purely the things in my spouse that I felt pulling away from our family, our marriage, the dreams we once had together. One day when I realized how much it bothered me I started trying to answer the question "what is keeping me from being all in and focused on where our marriage should be?" I don't know that I have fully answered that question yet, I have a few thoughts I am investigating, but no real hard answers yet. The important part here was in asking myself the question and seeking the answers rather than just seeing the fault in my spouse. It's that whole speck/plank thing. It's easier to see someone else's faults than my own, despite the fact that I make it a point to remind myself as well as my spouse that I am not perfect.
When I watched the movie again what I noticed was just how aware the singer Jenny is of the situation. It's in looks, in the way she handles a moment of contention between Barnum and his wife, in the little sneaky moments. She's aware and she's manipulating him. This is one of my biggest pet peeves in life, manipulators. People who play others as pawns in a game they are trying to win. Life isn't a game and the only way we succeed is together. I naturally come by the ability to manipulate people. On the other hand I am naturally a peacemaker. I have long held the ability to read people; their intentions, their drives, their hearts if you will. I have also been really reluctant to share that with too many people. I always feel like I am bragging about that, when it's just simply a piece of me. No more, no less. Since I can figure out these things it's not all that difficult to adjust how I interact to get the reaction I prefer. This is one of those pieces in my life where I am incredibly thankful for growing up in a christian home and being taught the importance of kindness and treating people the way we would want to be treated. I learned how to use my "power" for good rather than evil. I recognize it when I am starting to go down that path and stop. When people are like me in that way, but choose to take advantage of others it drives me a special kind of crazy. It's infuriating honestly. That piece of her was part of what drove me nuts.
For all the reasons I have to dislike this song, mostly in the motives of the person singing it I did find a bright side. One day driving in a real funk and it came on, since the kids were in the vehicle I fought the urge to change the song. God showed me something. What if I put him in it. What happens when the object of affection it's pointed at isn't another person or relationship but God?
"I'm trying to hold my breath, Let it stay this way, Can't let this moment end
Will never be enough, Never be enough
Towers of gold are still too little, These hands could hold the world but it'll
Never be enough, Never be enough For me"
Suddenly I saw in it a worship song. Not worship of another human who will ultimately disappoint you eventually, but of God. The only thing in my life that can truly fulfill me is God, without him nothing else will ever be enough. It's a simple thought, one that I have known, but in that moment of discontent with life I found a peace. He is enough.
When I first watched this movie I instinctively hated never enough, from the first listen. The character singing it has a drive and a passion that is reckless, and her sights are set on Barnum, who has a wife and children. He doesn't see it though. Her song is a siren song. "Will you share this with me? 'Cause darling without you, all the shine of a thousand spotlights, all the stars we steal from the night sky will never be enough, never be enough" It calls to him, he's a driven dreamer, he sees in her so much potential to be more. Something a simple tailor's son has long dreamed of.
It took me a while to nail down why this truly bothered me. Years ago when my spouse and I were dating there was someone who had been hurt who worked their way through our group of friends trying to find happiness by destroying it in others, especially relationships. Ours was never really threatened despite attempts, however I never trusted that person. This was my first conclusion, I saw in the singer what I saw in that individual. Let's be honest that whole event bothers me in a way it never should have, it was a non-start. I think I find some of my own insecurities in this. But that's more a story for later. One of the big things that hit me was in the scene rather than the song, his wife. She sees it. she sees his passion, his drive, his blind ambition. She also sees where it's leading. In a way this hit home because my spouse and I are working through a few rough things in our marriage. Then again what marriage isn't over the course of time. At first I saw purely the things in my spouse that I felt pulling away from our family, our marriage, the dreams we once had together. One day when I realized how much it bothered me I started trying to answer the question "what is keeping me from being all in and focused on where our marriage should be?" I don't know that I have fully answered that question yet, I have a few thoughts I am investigating, but no real hard answers yet. The important part here was in asking myself the question and seeking the answers rather than just seeing the fault in my spouse. It's that whole speck/plank thing. It's easier to see someone else's faults than my own, despite the fact that I make it a point to remind myself as well as my spouse that I am not perfect.
When I watched the movie again what I noticed was just how aware the singer Jenny is of the situation. It's in looks, in the way she handles a moment of contention between Barnum and his wife, in the little sneaky moments. She's aware and she's manipulating him. This is one of my biggest pet peeves in life, manipulators. People who play others as pawns in a game they are trying to win. Life isn't a game and the only way we succeed is together. I naturally come by the ability to manipulate people. On the other hand I am naturally a peacemaker. I have long held the ability to read people; their intentions, their drives, their hearts if you will. I have also been really reluctant to share that with too many people. I always feel like I am bragging about that, when it's just simply a piece of me. No more, no less. Since I can figure out these things it's not all that difficult to adjust how I interact to get the reaction I prefer. This is one of those pieces in my life where I am incredibly thankful for growing up in a christian home and being taught the importance of kindness and treating people the way we would want to be treated. I learned how to use my "power" for good rather than evil. I recognize it when I am starting to go down that path and stop. When people are like me in that way, but choose to take advantage of others it drives me a special kind of crazy. It's infuriating honestly. That piece of her was part of what drove me nuts.
For all the reasons I have to dislike this song, mostly in the motives of the person singing it I did find a bright side. One day driving in a real funk and it came on, since the kids were in the vehicle I fought the urge to change the song. God showed me something. What if I put him in it. What happens when the object of affection it's pointed at isn't another person or relationship but God?
"I'm trying to hold my breath, Let it stay this way, Can't let this moment end
You set off a dream with me, Getting louder now, Can you hear it echoing?
Take my hand, Will you share this with me? 'Cause darling without you
All the shine of a thousand spotlights, All the stars we steal from the night skyTake my hand, Will you share this with me? 'Cause darling without you
Will never be enough, Never be enough
Towers of gold are still too little, These hands could hold the world but it'll
Never be enough, Never be enough For me"
Suddenly I saw in it a worship song. Not worship of another human who will ultimately disappoint you eventually, but of God. The only thing in my life that can truly fulfill me is God, without him nothing else will ever be enough. It's a simple thought, one that I have known, but in that moment of discontent with life I found a peace. He is enough.
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