perfectly imperfect
Last week, late one evening I got a text from a friend I go to church with. As I opened it I wasn't surprised to see that they were letting me know they had just finished watching The Greatest Showman, and they loved it. What was surprising was the part that asked if I would help teach a lesson to the youth at an upcoming lock-in. Ok, I'm trying to push myself to do more teaching, it's not my comfort zone, but I feel God telling me it's a skill I need to work on, plus it was "help" how bad can that be right?! I agreed and asked when, not realizing it was less than a week away. Shortly after sending my response I saw a text from that infamous friend who told me they had thrown me under the bus and them self with me. Ok, now it all makes more sense, some days I really have to stop and think, "with friends like these, who needs enemies?"
The next day I started freaking out. I have never in my life lead any sort of lesson, discussion, bible study, etc without a guide to work from. Trip experiences, testimony, present from a curriculum? Sure, I have done all of those. Not particularly difficult assuming I can prepare. Take the things I see and remember the scripture that supports those thoughts? That's my downfall. It's not that I don't have verses committed to memory, I do. I have been teaching more or less the same set of verses to elementary school kids for 4 years now. I know them by heart. Recall is the hard part for me. Unfortunately, that's not my friend's strong suit either.
So my first step was to pray. Yes, I know that's a predictable church answer, right? The truth is I have never really struggled with the concept of praying. I am a conversationalist, bringing that into talking to God isn't really difficult for me. Years ago when I was introduced to the concept of praying without ceasing meaning just talking to God as if the life that happens in between our talks isn't really interrupting anything. Being a parent makes that even more natural, I can't remember the last conversation I had that didn't involve a side conversation with a small person in the process. So as I went about my morning I started to pray. Recently I had a conversation that reminded me of the importance of listening in prayer. Truly listening. Stopping my inner dialogue and listening. I did my best. What I got was one clear word. FEAR. Well that makes sense, that was all I had at the moment, fear. Why wouldn't that be what would come to mind. I texted that thought to my friend and moved on.
Later that day I sat down and watched the movie and was struck by another thought and started writing it down, attempting to search for scripture to build the thoughts around, not the other way around. It's important to me not to fit scripture to my thought but rather the other way around. Long story short, there were several ideas bumped around but we ended up running with the thought of an open discussion but having a structured lesson based on the roles of children in the movie. Now this was youth, not children, but the truth is the lesson applies to them as much as it would anyone else. They are still figuring out life, who they are, how they should act. It should be easier to take a lesson from someone innocent and unaffected by the "realities" of the world. We wanted to encourage them to embrace kindness and reaching out to others. We wanted to show them all the good that simple acts of kindness and love accomplished in the movie. What we came up with was a good lesson. But I still was unsure. I was still afraid.
The day comes and we watch the movie with the youth. I admit, I have the tastes of a 12yr old girl. I love a good romance movie. I have strong reactions to fictional character's actions. I had a blast sitting behind a row of girls who shrieked, awed, squealed and even booed through the movie. I caught new things I hadn't before. I ran off to the restroom, said a quick prayer and settled down in a a chair and waited.
At this point I can't really say what all happened. I know we asked questions, they gave great input. They caught details I didn't until my 3rd or 4th viewing. We were having a pretty good conversation. Somewhere in the middle of it, fear came back to me, and I stopped. I regrouped and I admitted to the youth how afraid I was of even sitting in front of them. I gave a cliff's notes version of the fact that God is seriously working on fear in my life. I seriously relate with the fear level of Lettie, the bearded woman. I also pointed out that my friend is a major encourager. As much as it drives me nuts, it's true. All those little things, while mildly annoying, are really encouraging. Not that I admit it much, it's really fun to throw things when they give me "that look". The point being that none of the characters would have conquered their fears without encouragement, and most of the time it wasn't barnum's words that achieved it for them. When those kind of "God takes over" moments happen when I am talking, whether one on one or in a group, I rarely remember exactly what was said. I am convinced that's because they weren't my words, which is exactly how I would prefer it. My words are imperfect, but God's will always be what needs to be heard. Afterwards one of the few adults in the room I didn't know approached me and suggested that the next time I give this talk(really I had to control that look that said "you seriously think this is ever happening again?") I should look at 2 corinthians 12:9-10 "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." It couldn't have fit more perfectly. The truth is if it weren't for my weakness God's power wouldn't shine through as well. I have had some feedback from a few folks afterward that seemed to suggest we did a good job. The truth is I didn't do it. My friend didn't do it. There's a piece of me that wants to tell all of the adults I have talk to about it that I was the most unqualified choice ever. Our pastor would have done a much more eloquent job, but he was unavailable. Then I have to stop myself.
One of the students asked at the end, why was this movie chosen. The friend that texted me asking me to help with the lesson explained she just felt led to show it. My friend jumped at the chance(apparently that's a funny story too), the pastor was in full support, he even had written an article in the church newsletter about all the important biblical messages that could be seen in the movie and it arrived in our mailboxes that day(we were both mildly peeved we hadn't reached to to him since he already had scripture references in hand). The truth is God orchestrated every ounce of that plan. He wanted those youth to see something in that movie, and he wanted the 2 of us in that building that night to be used. I doubt I will ever get a real vision of why or how God used us, but it exciting to quiet the doubting voices in my head and know that he did.
So here's what we had originally written up to share with them. It's a separate thought, but one I still really like. This one is a joint effort. If you're interested, more of my friend's thoughts can be found over at Morning Thoughts. Keep in mind this was our outline, there's always more to say on this.
There are so many personalities we see in the movie The Greatest Showman. The Dreamers, The Planners, The Doers, The Encouragers, The Wounded, and many more. Some of the key players that keeps jumping out at me though are the children. Repeatedly in the movie there are children driving the adults around them, challenging them, encouraging them to have courage and make bold moves.
- Young Phineas and Charity have big dreams and hopes for the future, despite their socio-economic differences and parental disapproval.
- Young Phineas is helped by a disfigured young lady when she offers him an apple after he got caught stealing bread. Her simple act will ultimately influence him years later to change how people see these “oddities”
- Barnum’s daughters remind him of his dreams that he seems to have forgotten or set aside. As they sing the song from his youth, he sees the dreamer in himself in them.
- His girls encourage him to change his museum, to add something alive, something sensational. Ultimately this encouragement along side the apple and the memories it brings, change everything.
- The girls are with him, encouraging him handing out fliers both for the museum and in search of performers. They are a silent encouragement, working with him to achieve his dreams.
- It's the kind smile from these girls that first touches Lettie, the bearded woman, when Barnum invites her to join the museum. Barnum called her beautiful, but his daughter's eye's reassure her of it.
- When the "freaks" first stumble out of the curtain ahead of their debut performance it isn't Barnum's encouraging and reassuring words that gives peace and courage to the world's largest man or any of the rest of the troupe, it's a little boy on crutches who is in awe that causes him to puff up his chest and hold his head a little higher..
- And in the same instance Barnum told Lettie everyone was going to love her, but a smile from a young lady whose mother was trying to hide her convinced her of it.
Jesus was talking with the disciples in Matthew 18 and they asked who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? His response was to call forward a nearby child and say "“Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
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