"Special" Aim
I find myself unsure of how or where to start this time. I don't really know how to put these thoughts into words, which is usually the case with this blog. It all started with a need to figure out what I was thinking by putting it on paper and turned into a need to share those thoughts. I started the blog anonymously hoping to share those thoughts but maintain anonymity. It failed immediately, but that was ok. Honestly putting those thoughts out there in the beginning was one of the most difficult things I have ever been asked to do. It shared a piece of me so deep, it was scary to reveal so much. A funny thing has happened in the last 4 months though. I have come to want to share that part of myself with people. It was so freeing and I have gotten nothing but encouragement in return. I can't thank you all enough for that.
For the first time in my life I have come to a point where I am not afraid. For me that is a very loaded statement. I am always afraid. Or at least I was. Afraid of the future, Afraid of what others thought. Afraid I would say the wrong thing, leave the wrong impression on people(which I have done often). Frankly I was often frozen in fear internally. Through all of this though God has opened a door for me. Along with a lot of very pointed sermons and teachings I have heard during these months God has started to help me gain confidence. Not in myself but in who He is and what He has called me to.
This weekend I was blessed to join a group of ladies from church at a women's conference. The theme of the weekend was "Taking aim." We focused on 1 Corinthians 9:24-27. We talked about finding our "aim", where God is directing us, and keeping our focus there. Clearly this wasn't a foreign thought to me by this point. God's been working on me for a year in this arena. Who knows maybe I just needed more lead time than the rest of our group to grasp the concept. I know where my aim is supposed to be. It got me thinking though, here's the thing about aim, I can stand facing the target but until I take a deep breath and draw my bow and arrow I am not actually aiming. It's all about readiness and being engaged. It's taken me a year to find my confidence in God and who I am in him to step up and take aim at where God is leading me. It's a really weird feeling for me to have confidence that I hear God clearly telling me "we're going this way".
The very next day comes a sermon on transformation. The key point was transformation comes when we offer our lives to God, open our minds to God's truth, and obey God's will. Gee, this is all sounding like the path I am on... Now don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things in my life that I still need to work on handing over to God, but in this particular piece it was actually really reassuring to see that I was on the right path. Here's a fun thing to realize, I am so not the same person I was even 4 months ago, let alone a year ago. There are some big struggles in my life, some difficult situations, and many other large hurdles standing in my path, but I am not afraid of that at this point. Reality check, I may be again next week and need reminded of this, but for now I am not. That's such a big God thing.
As if I needed more after this weekend, we watched the lego movie last night. I have seen this movie probably 100 times over the years, but something new still hit me last night. I absolutely relate with Emmet. Emmet has always done exactly as he is told, he doesn't stand out, he sees nothing unique in himself. at one point he even addresses the master builders and after he is revealed to not be a master builder he says, "I may not have a lot of experience fighting or leading or coming up with plans, or having ideas in general, in fact, I'm not all that smart, and I'm not what you'd call a creative type, plus, generally unskilled, also, scared and cowardly, I know what, you're thinking, 'He is the least qualified person in the world to lead us!' And, you are right!"
This is every bit who I am. Mediocre at best in so many ways. Yet for Emmet the fact that he was nothing special was exactly what made him special. The truth is I am exactly who God needs for the task he has called me to. Emmet sums it up so well when he explains to Lord business "You are the most talented, most interesting, and most extraordinary person in the universe. And you are capable of amazing things. Because you are the Special. And so am I. And so is everyone. The prophecy is made up, but it's also true. It's about all of us. Right now, it's about you. And you... still... can change everything." That's it. Right now God has given me, you, each one of us an opportunity to change everything, through something that only we can do. Exactly the way we are, right now. Where are you supposed to aim? What are you supposed to change?
For the first time in my life I have come to a point where I am not afraid. For me that is a very loaded statement. I am always afraid. Or at least I was. Afraid of the future, Afraid of what others thought. Afraid I would say the wrong thing, leave the wrong impression on people(which I have done often). Frankly I was often frozen in fear internally. Through all of this though God has opened a door for me. Along with a lot of very pointed sermons and teachings I have heard during these months God has started to help me gain confidence. Not in myself but in who He is and what He has called me to.
This weekend I was blessed to join a group of ladies from church at a women's conference. The theme of the weekend was "Taking aim." We focused on 1 Corinthians 9:24-27. We talked about finding our "aim", where God is directing us, and keeping our focus there. Clearly this wasn't a foreign thought to me by this point. God's been working on me for a year in this arena. Who knows maybe I just needed more lead time than the rest of our group to grasp the concept. I know where my aim is supposed to be. It got me thinking though, here's the thing about aim, I can stand facing the target but until I take a deep breath and draw my bow and arrow I am not actually aiming. It's all about readiness and being engaged. It's taken me a year to find my confidence in God and who I am in him to step up and take aim at where God is leading me. It's a really weird feeling for me to have confidence that I hear God clearly telling me "we're going this way".
The very next day comes a sermon on transformation. The key point was transformation comes when we offer our lives to God, open our minds to God's truth, and obey God's will. Gee, this is all sounding like the path I am on... Now don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things in my life that I still need to work on handing over to God, but in this particular piece it was actually really reassuring to see that I was on the right path. Here's a fun thing to realize, I am so not the same person I was even 4 months ago, let alone a year ago. There are some big struggles in my life, some difficult situations, and many other large hurdles standing in my path, but I am not afraid of that at this point. Reality check, I may be again next week and need reminded of this, but for now I am not. That's such a big God thing.
As if I needed more after this weekend, we watched the lego movie last night. I have seen this movie probably 100 times over the years, but something new still hit me last night. I absolutely relate with Emmet. Emmet has always done exactly as he is told, he doesn't stand out, he sees nothing unique in himself. at one point he even addresses the master builders and after he is revealed to not be a master builder he says, "I may not have a lot of experience fighting or leading or coming up with plans, or having ideas in general, in fact, I'm not all that smart, and I'm not what you'd call a creative type, plus, generally unskilled, also, scared and cowardly, I know what, you're thinking, 'He is the least qualified person in the world to lead us!' And, you are right!"
This is every bit who I am. Mediocre at best in so many ways. Yet for Emmet the fact that he was nothing special was exactly what made him special. The truth is I am exactly who God needs for the task he has called me to. Emmet sums it up so well when he explains to Lord business "You are the most talented, most interesting, and most extraordinary person in the universe. And you are capable of amazing things. Because you are the Special. And so am I. And so is everyone. The prophecy is made up, but it's also true. It's about all of us. Right now, it's about you. And you... still... can change everything." That's it. Right now God has given me, you, each one of us an opportunity to change everything, through something that only we can do. Exactly the way we are, right now. Where are you supposed to aim? What are you supposed to change?
Good thoughts, keep your eyes on the target God has before you, and you will hit the target with His aim.
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