Musings of a Muddled Mess

Last week, late one evening I got a text from a friend I go to church with. As I opened it I wasn't surprised to see that they were letting me know they had just finished watching The Greatest Showman, and they loved it. What was surprising was the part that asked if I would help teach a lesson to the youth at an upcoming lock-in. Ok, I'm trying to push myself to do more teaching, it's not my comfort zone, but I feel God telling me it's a skill I need to work on, plus it was "help" how bad can that be right?! I agreed and asked when, not realizing it was less than a week away. Shortly after sending my response I saw a text from that infamous friend who told me they had thrown me under the bus and them self with me. Ok, now it all makes more sense, some days I really have to stop and think, "with friends like these, who needs enemies?" The next day I started freaking out. I have never in my life lead any sort of lesson, discussion, bible study, et...

Some people are natural dreamers and go getters. They see a goal and they tackle it. That is NOT me. As I have stated before I do not dream well. I plan. I am practical. I am a "what if" person. I have contingencies on contingencies.  We're taking a trip to the zoo? ok who's going, what kind of accidents are likely to happen(medical or potty), does it come at a time people tend to be hungry, what is the potential weather, how long will we be there? Practical problems can be prepared for, I will take a bag of things we might need and plan the time and route according to the predictable needs of those in the group. The biggest difference with dreams is there are too many unknowns to either answer the what ifs or even know which what ifs might come into play. Dreams are ambiguous. You don't know what the true outcome will be. All that said I am allowing/forcing myself to be more comfortable with the concept of the unknown. This is incredibly hard. I like control. W...

The greatest showman hit DVD yesterday, so of course by 24 hours of owning it I have watched it twice, once on my own and once distracted with kids. Now I promise, I will not constantly be posting about it, but I really have such a love for this movie. There are so many deep thoughts here. Of course one of my biggest questions is how close to P.T. Barnum's life do they stick. I have never really heard anything redemptive about this ruthless business man and conman beside the fact that he created the modern circus. In spite of that curiosity I love the characters of this movie, real or fictitious. The dreamers, the faithful companions, the reluctant adventurers, the jaded, the bruised, the manipulators, and so many more. When I first watched this movie I instinctively hated never enough, from the first listen. The character singing it has a drive and a passion that is reckless, and her sights are set on Barnum, who has a wife and children. He doesn't see it though. Her song is...

It never ceases to amaze me how much can change in a short period of time, and how you can land in a place you never expected. 3 years ago I was a parent of 3 children and one on the way. Our schedule was backwards to the rest of the world around us, our time together was during the week. This left me on my own with the kids on the weekends. My spouse worked weekends and only attended church on wednesday nights and occasional sunday nights. I took the children to church on my own. We had joined this church a year prior and I am pretty sure there were folks in the church who had no idea I was married and assumed I was a single parent. I say all of this to bring light to something I wrote during that time. Believe it or not, I don't write often. I am a conversationalist by nature. I did write something that I felt needed to be said. Lately it's been on my mind again. "To all who serve in children’s ministry: We always talk about the importance of children’s ministries fo...